Cornell University Says Kill The Townies

In the battle between town and gown, Cornell University is going after the townies and they want them killed.

You can relax a little. Cornell isn’t trying to kill local Ithaca conservatives though it may have crossed the mind of some campus radicals. The Ithaca townies in this case are not the two legged variety but rather the four-legged cloven-hoofed variety with flashy white tails.

It seems that Cornell University is overrun with whitetail deer. You need to remember that Cornell is a weird hybrid in that it is both a liberal arts Ivy League school and a land-grant university with many test farms. It is this latter part of the campus that is the great attraction to the deer combining as it does food, shelter, and lack of predators.

According to a report by Professor William Jacobson at the Legal Insurrection, the university came up with a two-part plan to control the great numbers of deer attracted to its campus. In a move that would warm the cockles of Sandra Fluke’s heart, on-campus deer are given free, permanent birth control. They got tubal ligations. Meanwhile, off-campus deer were subject to a controlled hunting program with emphasis on killing does.

The plan was an expensive failure as Professor Jacobson describes in this interview with Cam Edwards.